Consience

Holiday Michael Noose's face lost all color. Two out of the three video tapes he had kept in the safe had vanished.

Mike, as Holiday Michael liked to be called, asked his wife Gretchen, if she knew where they had gone to. She was the only other person, who had access to the safe. "You remember that private investigator, asking about your and your brother Fin's childhood?" "Yes." Mike replied to Gretchen's question. “He told us when we remembered anything we should contact him. I’ve never seen the tapes. I only found them recently because I knocked them over, when I was looking for my jewelry box. I was curious and watched it. I thought it could be important for Mr. Otto, so I contacted him and he promised to return the tapes as soon as he has made copies.” Mike felt his blood pressure rising. Deceptively calm he asked: “And you didn’t consider to discuss the matter with me?” His voice was rising in volume with the next question. “Don’t you think they were in the safe for a reason?” Gretchen took an involuntary step back. She wondered why Mike was so upset. His temper very rarely flared and he was a sweet, quiet man. Gathering herself together Gretchen replied: “No to your first question. You never wanted to talk about why you broke with your parents a few months after your grandmother’s death. Now I know. They were monsters. Poor Fin. No wonder he has turned out a bit weird. To your second question, yes, I think you didn’t want everyone to see what went on at your home.” Mike rubbed his face. He was speechless. “See, I wanted to help Fin…” Mike stopped what he was doing and was shouting again. “Help Fin? Are you crazy?!” “I… I thought Fin wouldn’t like to be accused of being a liar. If there was evidence, that clearly showed he was abused as a child, then he would be happy…” “Oh my God! You don’t understand Fin at all. He gave me the tapes. In that case Fin would prefer to be called a liar instead of strangers seeing what he had to go through. He’s going to kill us.” Mike was so angry with Gretchen he wanted to strangle her. Of course he didn’t do it and instead went to the bedroom to pack a few things. “What are you doing?” Gretchen, who had followed him, asked concerned. “I’m leaving, because I can’t trust you. Gretchen, you have Fin and I betrayed. I can’t live with you – I don’t know if it’s just for a while or permanent, but I can’t stay.” Gretchen didn’t try to hold back Mike. Outwardly she was strong, but in reality her heart was breaking. As soon as her husband was gone, Gretchen broke into tears.

Mike could have stayed with a friend, but he preferred to check into a hotel. He had to think and come to a clear decision. Lying on his bed he weighed up if he should keep quiet about it or inform his brother. Mike feared Fin would find out anyway. Fin had turned into a master burglar and counted as the best in his métier. He had an extensive network in the underworld, so Mike knew the grapevine was going to work. One example was that Fin had been aware of the investigation Steven Otto was conducting and had called Mike, asking him what he had done with the tapes and if he still had them not to give them to the private eye. At the time Mike hadn’t known Gretchen had shown own initiative, so he told Fin he had already spoken with Steven Otto and hadn’t handed over the tapes. It was better Fin heard the truth from Mike than from a different source. Mike thought Fin might really did consider to send an assassin and kill his own brother and sister in law. He hoped of course Fin would come to his senses, but he was sure Fin was going to be angry and upset. Mike’s brother was also very unforgiving. Mike hoped it wasn’t the end of their relationship. Theirs had always been a difficult one, because Mike was the preferred son and could get away with things Fin would have been punished for. Mike admitted he had been a brat. When he was under ten he frequently abused the situation, making sure he escaped a scolding or spanking, by claiming Fin had done the misdeed. Of course Fin was the one ending up with a sore rump. Mike could understand why Fin hated him as a child. When Mike got older he took in most cases the responsibility for what he did wrong. Fin slowly started to forgive and trust Mike. Now all their hard work was being undone by Gretchen. Mike was still very upset with his wife.               

Having come to the conclusion to tell Fin the truth didn’t make it easier. Mike picked up enough courage to call Fin the next afternoon.

Fin answered promptly. Fin sounded busy and as if he had been interrupted in a deep thought process. “Fin, it’s Mike. Ahem… I have…. Bad… Gretchen has… She gave the video… Mr. Otto has received them. I’m truly sorry. I didn’t know she would do that.” “What? Can you repeat?” Fin hadn’t caught on immediately what his brother tried to tell him. When he did he shouted: “I never ever want anything to do with you or your goddamn, self-righteous, interfering bitch!” The line went dead after Fin’s outburst. Mike shook. He feared the worst. His brother was normally very much in control and even when he was angry, he had never shouted at Mike or anyone else before. In fact Fin spoke very quiet when he was losing his temper, so it must have been really bad. Mike’s first instinct was to warn Gretchen and to run as far away as he possibly could. Being rational Mike realized no matter where he would go into hiding to, Fin or one of his friends would find and liquidate him. He decided to stay put.

Two days later someone knocked on Mike’s door. He opened cautiously, asked: “What are you doing here?! Aren’t you in Seattle?” Then Mike shut the door in Fin’s face. Fin knocked again. Mike leaned in shock against the door. He was surprised how quick Fin had found him and had a hard time not to faint with fear. Mike believed his last hour had arrived. Taking a few deep breath he was calm enough to face his brother. Keeping his face blank, Mike opened the door. When it was closed behind them Mike begged Fin to spare Gretchen and kill only him. Fin’s jaw dropped. He recovered and ordered Mike: “Sit down.” “No!” “I have no intention of blowing out your brains. Sit!” “I’m not your dog!” Mike protested. Fin replied exuberated: “Okay, stroppy cat, please sit down.” Mike laughed against his will and obeyed finally. It was a twin room, so Fin took a seat on the bed opposite Mike’s. “Thank you. I came to apologize in person. There is no excuse I lost my temper and I shouldn’t have called Gretchen names. You didn’t deserve my outburst, because you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me.” “So there is no professional killer trying to ambush us?” “No, why would there be? I love you and wouldn’t do anything to hurt you on purpose. Can you forgive me?” “Sure. I guess it was too much for you, and I can understand why you were very angry with Gretchen…” “Yeah, well, Gretchen and I talked. We are turning a new leaf.” Fin also suggested if Mike found it in his heart, he should forgive Gretchen as well and return home. Mike promised to have a think about it. In reality Mike didn’t have to. It was obvious he loved Gretchen. Her betrayal might still hurt, but he was sure he could start new, especially if his brother could, who was infamous for holding long grudges. Mike packed his things and went home.

Gretchen was more than relieved when Mike was back. She had missed him, apologized tearful and promised to do better in the future. Mike was sorry too. “If I had been open with you from the beginning this wouldn’t have happened, so I’m as much to blame as you. It’s just… I don’t like talking about it. It’s painful, because I loved my parents. The first crack appeared when I walked into a spanking Fin received and from then on it was clear Fin never pretended sitting hurt, when I suspected he simply wanted attention. I guessed there was more going on when I overheard a conversation between Fin, Mom and Dad a few years later. He mentioned some video tapes, which would be embarrassing for Mom and Dad if they were made public. Neither party wanted to admit anything like that existed. I searched for the tapes, but never found them. When Lil died it changed. Fin was treated abysmal by Mom and Dad and he wanted revenge, so he gave me the tapes, knowing exactly it would mean I would be disgusted and break with our parents. I hate them and for a while I hated Fin too, because he had lied to me and only because it fit his plan gave me copies. He claimed he hadn’t done so earlier, because he didn’t want to destroy the good relationship I had with Mom and Dad. I’m not sure if that really was his motive or if he had staked out his plan long before my grandmother died… It was the only time I’m aware of he’s been lying to me, though, and that’s the reason why I decided to give him another chance unlike Mom and Dad. It’s not normal to film a punishment, gloat about it on tape, discuss the reaction in detail and scheme for another spanking.” Gretchen agreed with Mike and was glad he finally told the truth. It took a while until all the wounds were healed, but it made Mike’s and Gretchen’s marriage stronger. 

©2015   

Punished Together

Frieda Noose was searching frantically for her children. They had vanished during a shopping trip. She was worried something had happened to Sol and Casey. Frieda found out to her dismay they had hidden from her, but watched her closely and had some fun. Frieda wasn't amused. In fact she was fuming and barely kept her temper in check. Frieda was glad she had herself under control. The temptation to smack her seven and a half year old daughter and four year old son was there. Instead Frieda grabbed her kids by the hand and left the store with them, walking briskly. She was silent until they reached their car. Frieda barked at her kids: "Get in!" By now Casey and Sol realized their mother was upset with them. When they were all sitting at the back and the doors were closed Frieda started her lecture. "Don't do that ever again! I was so scared you were lost! Casey, you are old enough to know hiding from me is wrong and that I would be worried. Involving your brother is even worse! I'm disappointed in both of you! I'm considering going home immediately..." "But Mommy, you promised us to go to the toy store!" Casey protested. "Didn't I say we would go there, when you are good?" Casey had heard it, but it had gone in one ear and out the other. Sol's eyes filled with tears. He had been looking forward to check out dinosaurs and Lego sets. Suddenly the prank didn't seem that funny and seeing how disappointed their mother was, Sol felt guilty. He climbed on Frieda's lap, snuggled close to her and said: "Sorry, Mommy. I didn't want to scare you. I will be good. I promise." Frieda didn't say a word for a moment. She was still very angry. "It's okay, honey. You made a mistake and hopefully you have learned from it." "Yes, Mommy." Sol replied meekly. They hugged. Frieda turned a gimlet eye to her daughter. "So, Casey, do you think you behaved in such a manner you have earned going to Toys'r'us?" Even if Casey had inherited Frieda's black hair, heart shaped face and brown eyes, she was very similar to Frieda's husband Fin, who could be own minded and stubborn on occasion. Casey didn't want to admit she had done something wrong. She stared at her mother with crossed arms and a scowl on her face. Frieda tried to stay calm. When Casey still didn't answer after a tense silence, Frieda said quiet: "Answer me, please. I'd like to have your opinion." There was a bit of a threat in Frieda's voice, so Casey thought it was better to admit she hadn't been that good behaved, before she made her mother even madder. Frieda could get very unpleasant if she felt she wasn't taken serious. Frieda took into consideration to go to the toy shop, but thought she had to reward and praise appropriate behaviour and to punish serious misdemeanors, so she had to go through with what she had said earlier. Sol burst into tears and Casey sulked. Frieda comforted Sol by saying: "I love you two very much, but you caused me great grief today. Just because we don't go today to see toys doesn't mean we are never going. If you are two little angels for the next few days, I'm sure we can maybe even Daddy convince to go on an outing with us." The promise worked like a treat for Sol. He stopped crying pretty soon, not so with Casey. She refused outright to return to the mall for grocery shopping. Frieda was okay with that. She left Casey with the babysitter service of the mall, which made her daughter not happier. Casey had planned to black mail Frieda, but it had back fired.
Sol wanted to come with Frieda. He liked helping his Mommy fetching and choosing groceries. He generally wasn't holding a long grudge and was easy going like his mother. He looked like a miniature copy of his father.
After the completion of their tasks Sol and Frieda picked up Casey. Frieda had regained her psychological balance again and her anger was gone.

At dinner Casey was still sullen. Knowing her daughter Frieda wasn't surprised. It took Casey a day or two to let go of events that upset her. Fin, who had managed to be home for the meal, but hadn't had time to catch up with Frieda, sensed the undercurrents and was wondering what had happened.
He and Frieda found a quiet moment. Fin wasn't amused about the prank. He understood his wife completely. Whenever the kids misbehaved and Frieda deemed it necessary to net out a punishment, he backed her up.
The kids knew playing out a parent against the other didn't work.
Fin brought the kids to bed and had a chat with Casey. Fin and Casey's thought processes worked similar, so he could easily walk in her shoes. He managed to explain to Casey why Frieda was disappointed and angry and made Casey understand her mother better. It helped keeping the sulking to a minimum and the next morning Casey was back to normal.

Frieda asked Fin after the kids were asleep if he and his brother Mike had ever been punished together. She knew she was walking on treacherous ground and might open old wounds. Fin thought about it for a moment. "Well, let's put it that way we might were in trouble at the same time and sometimes got a warning smack in front of each other, but that was it. In most cases Mike managed to wriggle out of the situation by claiming I was responsible and my parents believed him, so I was the one, who ended up with a sore bottom. I remember only one occasion, when we were both punished for the same thing at roughly the same time, but in separate rooms." "Why were you spanked?" Fin grinned. "Our neighbor, Mike and I were in disagreement. I was around nine and Mike eight. Mike and I loved at the time nothing more than playing soccer in our garden. A few of the shots went wild, and well, the ball ended up in the neighbor's garden. She was an old lady and very proud of her prize winning flowers, so she was very disturbed and annoyed about it. She always swore at us, talked to our parents about it, who told us off, and confiscated our ball, when it happened again. Mike and I were very angry about the mistreatment and swore to get revenge. I came up with the idea to climb over the wall and pee on Mrs. Tomczyk's terrace. Stupid - I know." Fin and Frieda giggled. "Mike agreed it was a brilliant idea, so when we both had to wee we sprang into action. As bad luck would have it Mrs. Tomczyk was at home and saw us. She was quite fast I can tell you." Fin smiled at the memory. "We didn't even have a chance to zip up our trousers, she had us grabbed by the ears and we were on our way home. Mom and Dad were outraged about our little prank. They scolded us right in front of Mrs. Tomczyk. Of course we had to apologize and Mrs. Tomczyk was promised we were going to be punished. I knew what it meant for me. I wasn't sure how our parents planned to deal with Mike, though. We were ordered to our rooms. Waiting was awful. I tried to figure out if I was going to allowed to keep on my underpants or if I would be caned on the bare and how many strokes I was going to get. It didn't take long until I heard Mom and Dad approaching. I shivered. Mom entered my room, cane in hand, without knocking. To my surprise she was alone. Normally - no matter who spanked me - both parents were present during my punishment. She told me off about my disgraceful behavior again. I listened with one ear, because I thought I had heard Mike cry out. I heard him again, this time louder, so I knew he was being spanked as well. It was a small comfort. My mother told me to lower my pants and to bend over my writing desk. I only realized then that I had opened my window earlier in the day and hadn't closed it yet. I didn't dare ask my mother to move again. She said: "You are going to get four strokes." I was dreading it and hated the three ft. long cane. It inflicted so much pain." Fin was silent for a moment. His blue grey eyes had changed color and were more blue than grey, a sign he was upset or angry. Fin continued. "Mom was merciless. She brought the cane down with a flick of her wrist, hard. As always for a few seconds I didn't feel anything and then there was the searing pain. Even so I knew what to expect, the stroke took me by surprise and knocked the air out of me. My mother waited until the fire in my behind was a bit subsiding, before she lined up the next lash. The pain from the second stroke merged with the first. It was unbearable and I cried out. My eyes filled with tears. I hoped I could hold them back a bit longer. It didn't work. I burst into tears, when the cane landed at the center of my buttocks. I nearly jumped up, because it hurt a great deal. Holding on for dear life, I waited and waited... Mom took her time. Finally she flicked the cane across my sit spots. I screamed at the top of my lungs and I cried now unrestrained. I was so concentrated on the fire in my behind, I didn't hear Mom telling me I could get up. She repeated herself a couple of times, before my body functioned more normally again. I wasn't happy about Mom's tries to comfort me. When she hugged me I tensed, so she gave up, frustrated. Mom had just hurt and humiliated me, so I thought she was two faced and not serious about consoling me. I was also upset, because I thought it was unfair Mike got away relatively easy. Okay, he got - I would guess - something between eight and sixteen smacks and they definitely hurt, but while his pain was gone by the evening, I was still smarting the next day and it was impossible for me to sit. Any signs of his spanking would have vanished within hours; my tramlines stayed for two weeks. Mike had the higher embarrassment factor, because he was spanked on the bare. Not that my underpants offered a lot of protection from the cane. My brother had the lighter spanker. Dad always was a little bit softer than Mom, but he made me cry as much as Mom did. Of course I couldn't say anything about my feelings. I feared I would make it worse for myself if I would bring it up, so I kept quiet. Like Casey I was holding a long grudge, but I was better than she is. I think on this occasion I ignored my parents for a week." Frieda didn't know if Fin wanted comfort, but thought it couldn't hurt. She put a hand on his tanned arm. "I'm sorry." "Hm, it wasn't the worst caning I've got and one of the fairer ones. Mike and I were so careful afterwards the soccer ball never again ended up in Mrs. Tomczyk's garden, so I guess we both had learned the hard way." Frieda and Fin looked up startled. They thought they had heard Sol sobbing. Frieda went to investigate. She found Sol behind the kitchen door, crying. "What's wrong, honey? Did you have a bad dream?" Frieda crouched down. "I was thirsty and I... I heard what Daddy said." Frieda picked up Sol and brought him to the kitchen. She thought it was better Sol spoke with his father. Depositing Sol on Fin's lap, Frieda made hot chocolate for all of them.
Sol was hugging Fin tightly. "What's bothering you, sweetie?" Fin asked. "Your Mommy and Daddy weren't nice to you." "No, unfortunately they weren't." Fin confirmed. "I'm sad about it." "That's very generous of you, Sol." Fin smiled against his will. He was proud Sol showed empathy. Frieda and he must have done something right. "You don't have to be sad, though. I'm still alive. Growing up the way I did made me decide I wanted to be a different type of father, so all's good." "Don't you miss your Mommy and Daddy?" Since there was no love lost between Fin and his parents and they had parted acrimoniously a long time ago, Fin didn't. "No. It is better for all of us if we don't see each other. We have our own lives." "I would miss you." Sol said seriously. "I would miss you too, sweetie, but we don't want to go different ways, so we don't have to miss each other. Or do you plan to be a big boy and move out tomorrow?" Fin asked with a twinkle in his eyes. Sol giggled. "Noo." He said. "I'm happy to hear it." The hot chocolate was ready and Sol had asked all his questions and seemed satisfied with the answers. After his thirst was quenched he went to bed.
Fin checked later on his sleeping children and was amazed how deep he felt for them. Love was a strange thing. Fin had come a long way. At first he didn't want children. His biggest fear was he would turn out as brutal and uncaring as his parents. Frieda's pregnancy with Casey was an emotional roller coaster ride for Fin, but he fell immediately in love with his daughter when he held her in his arms shortly after she was born. It wasn't the same with Sol. Fin had originally wanted a second daughter and was convinced Sol would be a girl. For about one and a half months Fin had felt betrayed Sol was a boy. Fin realized he was heading down the same path as his parents had with him, corrected his behavior in time and learned to fall in love with his son too. Now living without Sol would have been unthinkable for Fin.

The kids were very well behaved for the next few days, so their reward was to visit the toy shop as promised and their Dad was also coming with them, which was a highlight for them.

  ©2014

Just Playing Detective

Nine year old Javier Loesing stared at his parent's guest. Allman Gregory Noose was nearly peeing in his pants because a bee was circling around the dinner table. Javier realized then it must be their former driver Coldham Fintan Noose III, the twin brother of Allman. While Allman didn't have fear of bees Coldham did. That didn't make sense, though, because Allman was married to Frieda and she was here. Javier was confused. Was Frieda also a twin? He was going to test them. Innocently Javier asked when the Nooses would reciprocate the invitation to dinner. For a moment Javier thought Allman or Coldham was angry with him. The impression was gone within seconds, so Javier wasn't sure. Frieda smiled at him and agreed it was no problem. Javier's parents and Frieda set a date. The mystery didn't leave Javier alone, though. He decided to investigate himself.

At the first chance Javier went online.
He googled Allman and Coldham. There was no information at all about Coldham, but plenty of photographs of Allman and a CV. The similarities between the brothers was stunning. Unfortunately the CV didn't mention if Allman had any siblings. Something didn't add up, though, because he knew Coldham had grown up in Miami, but Allman had lived most of his life in the North East of the US. Javier was stuck and looked for inspiration.

A few days later Javier talked with his oldest brother Wylie and how he would go about investigating people. Wylie mentioned their father used different search programs.
Javier worked out how to get access to them.

Interesting enough Javier found out Coldham wasn't a driver. He owned a security company, which made good profits. He was married to Frieda and lived in Miami with their daughter Casey.

Allman on the other hand was a psychiatrist and lived currently in California. He was happily married to Jennifer, a landscape gardener.

Javier noticed also that Allman was around one and a half years older than Coldham. Ergo they weren't twins.

Further digging revealed Allman was an only child, while Coldham had a younger brother Holiday Michael.

Javier combined some things Coldham had been telling them were true, but also that he had been lying in regards to others

Javier was sure now the person, who had been there for dinner and whom they had encountered on a Scotland vacation a few years earlier had been all along Coldham.

Javier felt betrayed. They had been very close when Coldham had worked as the family's driver. After Coldham had left them, they had lost contact.

Javier called the real Allman. Coldham and he might looked the same, but the voices were totally different. Allman's was high pitched, while Coldham's was deeper.

Javier managed to get Allman to talk about his dissertation and the newest project he was working on amongst other things.

Javier collected all the evidence and was going to show it to the whole family during dinner at the Noose's home.


©2014

Assumptions

Holiday Michael Noose was looking for the confirmation of his suspicion. Mike, as Holiday Michael was nick named, had had an inkling years earlier, when he witnessed a spanking his brother received.

The video tapes his older brother Fin had played into his hands woke old memories and confirmed his believes.

On one of the tapes were some of Mike's spankings, on the other Fin's. The one showing his own spanking after having run away from home and being caught, reminded Mike of something. He decided to call Fin.

Mike's brother wasn't too happy about the disturbance and even less willing to discuss the subject Mike had on his mind. Mike reminded Fin he had to win back his trust after lying to him about the existence of the tapes. Grumbling Fin gave in. "Okay, what's your question?" "Remember, when I got spanked for running away when I was about ten?" Fin sighed. "Yes, I do." "Do you also recall you teasing me about getting a walloping?" Fin could remember it as if it had only happened yesterday. The bile rose in his throat. "Mhm."

Their mother Beverly had caught Fin teasing and made short process. She pulled down his shorts and underpants and grabbed one of his arms, so he couldn't avoid the two hard smacks on his rear. Fin didn't make a sound. Before pulling up Fin's clothing Beverly whispered into his ears. "Your father and I will deal with your behavior appropriately, when he is at home." Fin blushed furiously. He felt humiliated by being smacked in front of Mike and he was afraid. Fin was wondering how much it was going to hurt this time around. He hated that a "real" spanking was hanging over his head like a Damocles sword. Of course his dad and name sake was going to arrive shortly from work. Beverly sent the brothers out playing.

"I always thought the smacks were your punishment, because it was similar to what I would have gotten for the same offence." Mike said to Fin, bringing them both back to the present. His brother barked a short, unhappy laugh. Fin knew Mike would have gotten off with a warning if there would have been any repercussions, which he doubted. Mike continued: "I guess I was wrong about that." Fin could have lied, but he was generally honest and didn't look for the easiest way out. "No, you aren't." "So what happened?" "Do you really have to know?" Fin asked. "Yes. I'm curious." Fin tried to wriggle out - it wasn't very pleasant to be reminded of the incident. Fin told Mike the short version, but Mike said simply: "More details, please." With a sigh Fin told his tale. "Well, I went outside with you, but didn't stray too far from the house to keep an eye on when Dad arrived. I didn't want to get into further trouble for not being available when I was called. Dad was home about an hour later. I hovered near the front door. It took them around ten minutes to deliberate my fate. I was shaking when they called me in and feeling sick. Before entering the kitchen I had myself under control again. I didn't want to show any fear. They reprimanded me for teasing you and said I deserved a whipping for it. To my surprise they gave me a choice. I didn't like any of it. They offered me five strokes with the cane fully clothed, four on my underpants or three bare and also if I wanted to take my punishment bent over the kitchen table or the arm rest of the sofa in the living room." "What did you choose and why?" Fin sighed. He didn't feel like explaining. Another sigh followed. Making up his mind Fin continued: "I chose three on the bare bent over the sofa. I estimated the pain levels would be roughly the same, no matter if I would get three, four or five cuts. I calculated Mom or Dad would use stronger force the more I was wearing. On the other side there was the embarrassment factor. The fewer clothing I had on the more embarrassing it was going to be for me." Fin left out that he tried not to cry in front of his parents. It seemed they were gloating and proud if he lost his composure. It was another consideration to think about. Fin knew he could most likely manage to keep his tears under control, if he was receiving three strokes. He continued: "The decision was between three and four strokes. Weighing up all things, I came to the conclusion three strokes were also going to be over quicker. I hated bending over the kitchen table or chair. They digged painful into my tummy and hips, so it was easier to take the sofa. It was fairly comfortable and I could bury my face into a pillow stifling my screams." Fin swallowed. "Mom and Dad sent me to the living room and ordered me to prepare myself. I did what they asked and waited. It seemed to take them ages to follow. I hated it, especially having to stay in position with my bared behind upturned and my underwear and shorts bundled around my ankles. Finally they arrived and suddenly it was too quick..." Fin stopped for a moment. It was hard to go further, remembering the humiliation and pain. Mike didn't notice and pressed Fin to continue. Fin hated Mike at that moment for his ruthlessness and insensitivity. He was torn between hanging up and finishing the story. After closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Fin had his emotions under control and continued. "Dad told me he would give me two strokes and Mom one. Dad pushed up my t-shirt, so it wasn't going to be in the way. I heard the cane make a swishing sound. It connected with my rear and I felt a sting; within seconds the pain turned into a burning sensation. I winced. The cane changed hands and whistled again through the air. It hit me straight in the center of my behind and hurt like the dickens. I screamed into the pillow. My eyes filled with tears. The burning sensation of the first stroke merged with the second. It got near unbearable. Dad was delivering the last blow. It landed on my sit spots. I started to cry. The pain was too overwhelming to keep my tears in check." Fin hadn't been proud of himself. He felt like a coward and as if he had lost his dignity completely. When he thought as an adult about it he realized he had been only a kid and it was a normal reaction and alright to loose his composure at the time, even if Fin had played in the hands of his parents. Fin felt he had been punished too harshly for what he had done. Coldham put a hand on Fin's back, rubbing it softly. Fin shied away. He didn't want to be comforted by someone who had just caused him pain. It upset his father. Coldham didn't like being rebuffed. He stopped. When Fin had a bit recovered, his parents allowed him to get up and dressed and sent him to his room. Pulling up his clothing was painful too. The underpants chafed, when they came in contact with Fin's stripes. Fin couldn't wait to get rid of his pants and underwear. On his room he undressed quickly, took a cold shower and cried. It wasn't so much about the physical pain. Fin felt unloved and like Mike could never do any wrong. He was angry with his parents. Fin also knew it hadn't been right to tease Mike, so they hadn't punished him completely groundless, even though they had overdone it. It was easier to forgive them. Fin ignored them until the next day, but was withdrawn for another few days. Normally he was holding a much longer grudge and didn't talk to them for weeks.

"Satisfied?" Fin asked his brother after he had concluded his story. "Nearly. How long did it hurt?" Fin had enough of the questions and was tempted to give a rude reply. He was agitated by now and struggling with his emotions. His problems weren't Mike's fault, though, and Fin had promised Mike honesty, so he answered. "About a week." "Wow!" Fin had to smile against his will. "You could say that. It was one of the lighter wallopings." Mike didn't believe his ears. "How long did it take you to recover from worse spankings?" "Depending, but generally a week and a half to two weeks." "What about sitting?" "For the one teasing you, I could sit tentavely the next morning. With others I wasn't so lucky. It could take up to three days." "I'm so sorry." "What for?" "What you had to endure and that I wasn't very understanding most of the times. I thought you were whining too much about nothing." "Well, we can't change the past. You didn't know what was going on. You could only rely on your own experience, which was fundamentally different than mine, and I don't blame you for it." Mike knew about Fin's mixed feelings for him - the jealousy and sometimes hatred for being the preferred son, but also that Fin loved him and if Mike should ever need Fin, his brother would be there for him. Mike would do the same for Fin.

Mike thought Fin had taken the physical aspect of the beatings the hardest. He was mistaken. Fin still struggled with the emotional side. Most of the time he was able to put it out of his mind and it didn't bother him. If the feelings escaped the mental box where Fin kept them locked, he struggled for a day or two until he had wrestled them back. It was no different when Mike hung up. The talk had opened Fin's old wounds. If his parents would have been there, he would have killed them. Sometimes he was sorry he hadn't done so a few years earlier, when his father tried to beat him up. A switch blade knife had stopped Coldham's fist right in mid air. The show down ended with Fin leaving for good, and his parents escaped unharmed.

When he was clearer thinking Fin was glad he hadn't killed them. They weren't worth it.

Fin gave up work for the day. His concentration had deserted him. Fin knew his thoughts were going to switch back to the past - no matter if he liked it or not. To get in a better mental state Fin meditated and started Tai Chi. His jangled nerves calmed down. Fin took a relaxing bath afterwards. He tried to keep his mind empty and concentrated on his breath, the smell, temperature and feel of the water. The past managed to catch up with Fin, but he was prepared and dealt with each memory and locked it away again. Finally Fin felt more at peace. He was glad Frieda, his fiancée, was at college and he had the chance to deal with his demons before she was back. To continue his therapy Fin watched a comedy and ate a tub of Chunky Monkey ice cream alone.

Frieda wondered why Fin was more withdrawn than usual. She let him be, though, and the next morning he was back to normal.

©2014