Luizia opened her eyes and closed them again. Her head hurt. It felt like it was bursting. Then she realized what had happened. A SUV had crashed into their little Scion. Panic was threatening to overwhelm Luizia. Her hands were flying to the door handle. She tried to open the door without results, no matter how strong or how often she pushed at the door. Her father Roger had gained consciousness as well and swallowed hard, when he saw the SUV and a small figure lying on top of the Scion's motor hood. He saw his oldest daughter Adrianna slumped over the steering wheel and his wife Maria Isadora motionless in the front passenger seat. After taking in the damage, his attention turned to Luizia's futile attempts to escape. His own door didn't budge either. "Luizia, stay calm. We might escape through the windows." Roger tried to make the best of the situation. He didn't feel any pain. His window was broken, so he managed to pull it out. Roger was glad he was still thin, aged fifty three, and could squeeze through the window. It was a close call. Luizia followed his example and wriggled her way out. Soon she was standing at the driver's side and hammering against the window. Neither Adrianna nor Maria Isadora reacted. There was so much blood! Somehow Roger and Luizia managed to open the doors. When Luizia felt for any life signs on Adrianna's neck, there weren't any. Luizia was crying and shouting Adrianna's name. Her sister didn't react.
Roger felt a weak pulse, when he checked on Maria Isadora's wrist. He tried to free her, but she was trapped. Maria Isadora had a few open wounds on her legs. They were oozing with blood. Roger was in shock. He was inconsolable, because he heard Luizia's wailing and knew what it meant. He feared loosing his own wife too.
Suddenly an ambulance, police and fire fighters were at the scene of the accident.
Neither Luizia nor Roger remembered later who had called emergency services.
Roger didn't want to leave, but had to make space, so that the fire fighters could cut out Maria Isadora and Adrianna's body. Roger had believed he hadn't been injured, but suddenly he was aware of different places that hurt, especially his abdomen and lost consciousness.
Maria Isadora de Reinaldo Cruz
I don't like to talk about it, but okay, I'll tell you. What do I remember about the accident? Not a lot. I think I screamed, when the other car suddenly emerged on our side of the road. Adrianna, my daughter, tried to avoid the collision. It was too late. I remember the glare of lights in my eyes, the impact, then darkness...
While I was trapped in the car I had - I'm not sure, how I should describe it - a nightmare or a dream ... I was bathed in a white-golden light and felt utterly peaceful. Before my eyes my life replayed, and there was a tunnel with a light at the end. My daughter Adrianna was already walking towards it. I felt drawn to it, too and followed her. I had nearly reached the end, when I saw my mother Fernanda. She told me, it wasn't my time yet and I had to go back. I was so disappointed and wanted to protest. I found myself in the car again and was in pain. The next time I woke up was at the hospital. My legs were broken in numerous places; one of the bones had pierced the skin and had been sticking out. I had lost a lot of blood and been unconscious for two days. Doctors weren't sure, if they were able to save my right leg. It had been badly damaged. In total I spent three month in hospital and had to undergo more operations. Afterwards I needed to learn walking again. It was a very painful experience, not made easier by the loss of our daughter. Somehow I sensed she was dead, even before I was told. I fell into a deep depression. My future looked bleak, and I grieved for Adrianna. I pitied myself. My husband and I feared our son in law Sam wanted Adrianna buried in Portland, Maine, refusing us the chance to visit her grave regular, because we live in Sao Paulo. We didn't dare to mention the subject. He raised it on his own, one of the few occasions he started a conversation by himself. Since Adrianna's death he only talked, when he was addressed. "I have come to a decision regarding Adrianna's resting place. I think she should be buried in Sao Paulo. You need it to heal, I need something else. To allow you, Maria Isadora, to go to the funeral, I suggest we cremate Adrianna's body. Is that okay with you all?" We hadn't a problem with it and were relieved.
Sam was attentive, even if it didn't look like it. He knew how low I felt, and one day during a visit brought Adrianna's bible with him. He allowed me to keep it. The psalms were a great comfort to me, helping me in my darkest hours. Sam also asked the priest of the church, where Adrianna had worshiped to visit me once a week while I was in the hospital. The discussions and prayers with Father Angelini gave me a positive outlook, wanting me to live and get healthy.
It was still a struggle, and sometimes I wanted to give up. Of course I could rely on my husband Roger and my son Luiz to support me, so after a while the physical and emotional pain lessened.
I am over loosing Adrianna, but sometimes I'm sad and find it unfair she was taken from us.
Roger de Reinaldo Cruz
I was brought up not to show my emotions, so people, who didn't know me, could have thought I wasn't affected by my daughter's death.
Not being used to being helpless, not in control of a situation and dependent on others, made me difficult.
After the accident I had to come to terms with Adrianna's death, my own limitations, fear of loosing my wife and where Adrianna was going to be buried and worries about my other daughter Luizia and my son in law Sam. If my wife Maria Isadora had also died, I don't think I would have recovered.
My injury was serious. I had an internal bleeding and needed a lifesaving operation. I was kept in hospital for ten days. I hated the dependency on nurses and doctors. Being fit and sporty, I wasn't used to feeling weak either. The first week or so I was psychological numb and couldn't believe Adrianna had died. Slowly it sunk in. The emotional turmoil I found myself in was worse than the pain caused by the accident and it's aftermath.
I didn't want to work until I felt reasonable healthy and emotional stable. I am lucky, because as CEO of a company I could do it and delegate my work to my right hand. I felt fit to return to work after Adrianna's funeral. It was like a closure to me. Two month had passed since the accident. Work also helped taking my mind off Adrianna's death. I tried to be strong for my family and gave only into my tears, when I was alone.
As the saying goes: Time is a great healer. It was for me.
Luizia de Reinaldo Cruz
The accident and Adrianna's death destroyed my life. It wasn't a physical issue. The many bruises and the cut above my left eye healed within weeks. I was an emotional wreck, and it took years, many mistakes and regular visits to a psychologist to re-emerge as a similar person to the one I was before the incident.
Before I was lively and the center of every party. Afterwards I was a reclusive. I started to fear travelling by car or leaving the house. I only felt safe driving, when I knew the car had received high safety marks. I had nightmares and trouble sleeping too. Adrianna meant the world to me and besides being my older sister, she was my best friend. We often chatted on the phone for hours. She always had an open ear for me. I wished I could be like her and when the accident happened, wished I was dead instead of her.
I regret I hurt Sam, made his life difficult and tried to ruin his good reputation. You see, I retaliated for the crimes, I thought he had committed. The first time was around four weeks after Adrianna's death. Papa and I were staying with Sam, because Mama was still recovering in hospital and the doctors hadn’t given the all clear for her to move to another hospital in Sao Paulo.
Sam had started to sort out Adrianna's stuff. I thought it was way too early and a betrayal of my sister. Sam tried to forget her already in my opinion. Of course he hadn't, and it was simply in preparation for his trip. At the time nobody knew about his plans, so I said to him: "It's your entire fault." He didn't understand and asked: "What?" "That Adrianna died." Sam looked at me as if I had slapped him. He left the room abruptly. I felt guilty immediately and went to look for him. I found him in his bedroom, clinging to Adrianna's pajamas, and crying. Sam had his own problems. He felt guilty, because he hadn't been in the car, when the accident happened. He had a meeting with his publisher on the day, so he couldn't make it like he had previously. I apologized, he accepted and never mentioned it again, even though, I made his life miserable later on.
The next incidents were around two years after Adrianna's death. Sam had a new girl friend. He didn't mention it, when he was in Sao Paulo for Adrianna's memorial service. He called me a month later to tell me about Hue.
I wanted to avenge Adrianna. In my opinion Sam should have stayed single, so I sent him an anonymous email with a little animation. It showed the poisoning and death of his beloved cat Dante. I've studied animation and computer programming, so creating it was easy. Somehow he found out I was behind it and called. It was one of the most unpleasant conversations I've ever had. Sam told me in no uncertain terms, should I ever pull such a stunt again, he would go to the police and wouldn't give a damn if I was his sister in law or not. I promised to behave. Sam forgave me.
Not very much later Sam told Papa something he had kept a secret for quite a long time. He claimed he did it to protect us. I thought he had been lying all the time and felt cheated. We had a right to know, because it concerned Adrianna.
To get my revenge I called a journalist, Christopher Bergamo, claiming Sam had abused Adrianna. That was not all. I phoned Nhat and Brilliant Alexander, Hue's parents, the manager of the charity Sam was volunteering at and mutual friends, again saying Sam had beaten Adrianna, which was a lie. This time around Sam came personally to Sao Paulo to speak face to face with me. I think I have never seen him so angry. It was understandable, though, and I got what I deserved. In the end I saw it was very wrong and damaging, what I had done. I offered Sam to call all the people, I've lied to and admit it. I went through with it. Sam recognized it had taken guts, but he was still angry and hurt. I had lost Sam's trust. It made me sad and ashamed. I realized Adrianna wouldn't approve how I was leading my life, so I decided to change. I started living again.
Luiz de Reinaldo Cruz
The death of my oldest sister was a horrible shock. We were always a tight knit family and even Adrianna's move to the United States didn't change that.
I was serving at the military, when I heard the news from Luizia. My superiors were understanding and gave me off until my personal issues were solved. My first concern was joining my family. They were going to need me. I soon found out getting a visa was difficult, even though, the situation was an emergency. Sam's grandfather had connections with the Department of State, while Papa knew a few key persons at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, who knew their American counterparts. Sam and I hoped the combined pressure would ease the visa process. After a week I was on the way to Portland, Maine.
My job was to keep everything together.
When Sam told us Adrianna was going to be buried in Sao Paulo, my favorite - okay, he is the only one - brother in law and I organized everything, from the cremation to the transportation, from the hymns sung at the church to the restaurant and the meal.
It was hard, but the job took our minds off from the real issue. I was over Adrianna's death quickly, though. Seeing the rest of the family in distress was heart breaking for me. It was interesting how they overcame their grief: Mama through religion, Papa through work, Luizia with the help of a psychologist and Sam by renting out the apartment in Portland and going on a road trip through the United States for nearly a year.
Madeleine and Jack Richards
We loved Adrianna like she was our own daughter, so when she died, it was a hard knock for us. We were also worried how our son changed. He was withdrawn and very thin. His sister Brooke confirmed later Sam barely ate. She found out, when Sam visited her during his road trip. I was against Sam going on travel, especially alone, still grieving for Adrianna, and I didn't like which conditions came attached to it. Sam didn't want that we contacted him. We had to wait until he either wrote or called. I found it unacceptable, because I was going to worry even more, if Sam was alright or not. Jack shushed me, though, and said: "Do that, Sam. You are always welcome. If you need somebody to talk to or if you want to meet us, you know how you can get in touch." I was angry with both of them, not taking into consideration, what I wanted. Jack and Sam had been right, though. Sam returned being nearly his old self. The only difference was that Sam was more quiet and seemed sometimes still sad. We were glad about the improvement and even happier, when Sam settled in Baltimore near his sister Ava, who lives in Washington D.C.
Reimondo "Rei" Santiago O'Reilly and Nicolo "Nico" Montegiordano
When we heard the news of Adrianna's death, our world came crushing down. I knew Adrianna since we were both very little. Nico and I wouldn't be together, if Sam and Adrianna hadn't introduced us. They thought Sam's friend would be just right for me. Well, they hadn't been wrong. There was an immediate chemistry between Nico and me.
To deal with our emotional pain, Nico and I didn't go out for a while. Instead we spent the evenings in, if business allowed it, and read poems to each other. Adrianna loved English literature, so we choose poems she liked, but also poetry dealing with death. It brought us nearer to each other and to Adrianna, because we discussed what the words stirred in us and remembered her. We thought it might help Sam, too, so we wrote the poems and memories of Adrianna in a notebook, decorated everything and sticked in photographs of her. When we heard he planned to go on a long journey, we weren't surprised. Adrianna and Sam had been working on a route through the United States. They wanted to be ready, when the summer vacation arrived. Sam was going through with their vacation plan, only earlier and without Adrianna.
Our book came in handy, because it made sure Sam never forgot we cared for him and missed Adrianna as much as he did. Of course we still think about her and it's sometimes painful, but the grief has gone and the positive memories stay with us as long as we live.
©2011
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