Sorry for posting only now, but I've been insanely busy.
This story builds up on Talk inside the shed I've published a couple of months earlier. Hope you like it.
The day my life changed for the better was one of the worst in my childhood.
I was seven and had misbehaved at school. My father didn't accept such behavior, so I ended up with my bare rump over his lap. I knew this was going to happen and dreaded our "talk" in the shed. My father made his displeasure definitely known. When his hand connected for the last time with my behind, I was crying. Dad said he was sorry he had to punish me and didn't want to repeat it - me neither. He also said he loved me. I wasn't so sure about that. Dad hugged me and I cried for a while into his shirt. When the tears eased, Dad let go. I ran away. I wanted to be alone.
I headed in the direction of the rabbit cages. My younger sister Adrien and I owned one rabbit each.
Brewster was awake. I took him out of the cage and sat down in the grass. My behind was smarting a bit, but my father was never really cruel and the pain was gone after a few hours. I still cried, not from the physical pain. Brewster was a good listener, but it didn't help to quell my hurt feelings. I don't know how much time I spent with Brewster on my lap, but suddenly our new driver Mr. Noose took a seat beside me. He was silent for a few minutes. I desperately tried to stop the tears, but didn't manage. Mr. Noose was light blond, while I have dark blond locks. His blue grey eyes were looking concerned. He asked if I wanted to talk about it. I was too ashamed and didn't want to admit my father had just punished me. I shouted at Mr. Noose: "No, go away!" He didn't and to my surprise said something I didn't expect. "You know I cried each time..." He knew what had happened. Until then I thought I was the only one who got spanked. Since I was small and he was very tall I couldn't believe he had been spanked too. It was inconceivable for me, so I stammered: "But ... But... You are big!" "I wasn't always big." Mr. Noose replied with a smile. It made me wonder what he had looked like as a child. "Are you going to tell me what bothers you?" Mr. Noose asked gently. I tried hard to hold back the sob, but it escaped. "Daddy hates me!" "What makes you think that?" "I'm stupid! Wylie is smart, Johnny talented and Adrien... Well, she's cute." "Come here." Mr. Noose ordered me. He heaved me and the rabbit on his lap. "You aren't stupid, Javier! You just need longer to learn." It was balsam to my knocked down self esteem. "I know for a fact your dad loves you." Mr. Noose continued. He wanted to know why I had been spanked. I explained it. Mr. Noose asked what I should have done differently and what I was going to do now. I said: "I hurt Mrs. Hale by calling her names, so I'm going to apologize to her." "Try to pay attention in class too. I know it can be difficult." Mr. Noose suggested. I have dyslexia, so anything to do with reading is problematic. Talking with the driver helped me more than Dad's spanking. Suddenly it seemed to make more sense why my behavior wasn't good. I felt nearly normal again. Mr. Noose invited me to the old carriage house on our grounds, his home as long as he was working for us.
We played a few rounds of car racing. To my amazement I won. Mr. Noose offered me hot chocolate. I wanted marshmallows on top. To my disappointment he hadn't any. "I'll make you something special. I promise." He returned about twenty minutes later. I had been playing on the games console, so I hadn't noticed how much time had passed. Normally our housekeeper Florence was making Nesquik. The hot chocolate Mr. Noose had made was very different. It was slightly spicy and cinnamon flavored. He served some type of bread with cheese. It was heart shaped. All the crying and emotional upheaval had made me hungry and thirsty, so I tucked in. It was really delicious. Even if Mr. Noose was calm and relaxed, he seemed to hang after his own thoughts. They mightn't have been positive. I had been thinking as well and was curious how Mr. Noose knew my Dad loved me. He said: "I've watched you, when you were together. Your dad likes to spend time with you, plays games and is open to your suggestions. He's also watching out for you." It reassured me. Suddenly I was very tired. Mr. Noose drove me home. I snuggled closer to him, wishing he could be my Daddy. I was nearly asleep when we arrived at the main house. I said good night to the driver and Mrs. Florence brought me to bed.
The next morning the day looked brighter for me. The color of my butt had returned to its normal pale shade and didn't hurt anymore. I was still smarting emotionally, though. It wasn't so easy for me to forgive Dad and even if Mr. Noose had re-assured me I felt small and doubts began to settle in again, if my Dad really cared for me.
It was a day or two later, when Dad approached me on my room. I was playing with my Transformers, when he entered. "Javier, can I talk to you please?" I didn't want to, so I shook my head. Dad took a seat on the floor. He picked up one of the figures. "Want to play with me?" Normally I had fun with Dad. He was really good at imitating the voices of the characters, and he was creative too. Since I was still upset, I refused outright. "Okay." Dad looked hurt. "Javier, can I ask you something?" I shrugged. "Do you think I love Wylie, Johnny and Adrien more than you?" I didn't want to answer and pretended not to have heard anything. "Why would you think that?" I shrugged again. "Javier, please look me in the eyes." Dad's voice was gentle. I slowly looked up, showing all my hurt. "Are you going to give me an answer?" I told him why I thought Dad appreciated me less than the others. Wylie was without a doubt the most intelligent of the bunch. He was a straight A student, no matter which subject. Johnny had an unbelievable knack for music. He wanted to be either a musician or music historian. My younger sister Adrien looked very cute with her black curls and blue eyes. She also said the funniest things, so everyone liked her. I felt with my learning disability I wasn't bright enough to keep up with my oldest brother and with no other visible talents or cuteness I fell short of my father's expectations. "Javier, I love you as much as I do any of your siblings. The reason I love and care for you is your positive energy and your inquisitiveness. Maybe I have shown it too few, but this is going to change. I'd like to spend more time with you. Is that okay with you?" I was torn, because I was still a bit upset about the spanking, but I loved my dad and would have liked more of his attention. I nodded apprehensive. "Glad to hear it." My father smiled. "There is another thing I'd like to speak with you. It mightn't be easy for both of us..." Dad stopped for a moment. "I've spanked Wylie and Johnny until they were ten and originally thought I would continue to do the same with you. Something tells me, though, that it might not work. Am I wrong?" I tried to explain how I felt. I also said I couldn't understand how Dad could claim he loved me when he had hurt me just moments before. "Hm, that's a good question." My dad paused before giving an answer. "It might sound odd, but I did it, because I love you. I thought a painful reminder works better than discussions. Having now heard how it impacts you and your feelings towards me, I think we have to change tack. I don't want that you resent me." "Okay." I wasn't sure where this was going to lead to. "We will try speaking about what you have done wrong in the first place. If I deem it necessary you will get a punishment, like being grounded or having a privilege taken away. Is that okay with you?" "Yes." I nodded fervently. I preferred discussing what went wrong and maybe get a privilege taken away than being spanked, which left me feel unloved and not worthy of belonging to the Loesing clan.
Dad kept to his promise and spent more time with me. Our communication improved as well, and mostly Dad had only to threaten me with taking away something or to ground me. It was more than enough to bring me in line. Since we talked more I understood also better why and how to behave. It made me be much closer to Dad and we still have a very good and trusting relationship.
This story builds up on Talk inside the shed I've published a couple of months earlier. Hope you like it.
The day my life changed for the better was one of the worst in my childhood.
I was seven and had misbehaved at school. My father didn't accept such behavior, so I ended up with my bare rump over his lap. I knew this was going to happen and dreaded our "talk" in the shed. My father made his displeasure definitely known. When his hand connected for the last time with my behind, I was crying. Dad said he was sorry he had to punish me and didn't want to repeat it - me neither. He also said he loved me. I wasn't so sure about that. Dad hugged me and I cried for a while into his shirt. When the tears eased, Dad let go. I ran away. I wanted to be alone.
I headed in the direction of the rabbit cages. My younger sister Adrien and I owned one rabbit each.
Brewster was awake. I took him out of the cage and sat down in the grass. My behind was smarting a bit, but my father was never really cruel and the pain was gone after a few hours. I still cried, not from the physical pain. Brewster was a good listener, but it didn't help to quell my hurt feelings. I don't know how much time I spent with Brewster on my lap, but suddenly our new driver Mr. Noose took a seat beside me. He was silent for a few minutes. I desperately tried to stop the tears, but didn't manage. Mr. Noose was light blond, while I have dark blond locks. His blue grey eyes were looking concerned. He asked if I wanted to talk about it. I was too ashamed and didn't want to admit my father had just punished me. I shouted at Mr. Noose: "No, go away!" He didn't and to my surprise said something I didn't expect. "You know I cried each time..." He knew what had happened. Until then I thought I was the only one who got spanked. Since I was small and he was very tall I couldn't believe he had been spanked too. It was inconceivable for me, so I stammered: "But ... But... You are big!" "I wasn't always big." Mr. Noose replied with a smile. It made me wonder what he had looked like as a child. "Are you going to tell me what bothers you?" Mr. Noose asked gently. I tried hard to hold back the sob, but it escaped. "Daddy hates me!" "What makes you think that?" "I'm stupid! Wylie is smart, Johnny talented and Adrien... Well, she's cute." "Come here." Mr. Noose ordered me. He heaved me and the rabbit on his lap. "You aren't stupid, Javier! You just need longer to learn." It was balsam to my knocked down self esteem. "I know for a fact your dad loves you." Mr. Noose continued. He wanted to know why I had been spanked. I explained it. Mr. Noose asked what I should have done differently and what I was going to do now. I said: "I hurt Mrs. Hale by calling her names, so I'm going to apologize to her." "Try to pay attention in class too. I know it can be difficult." Mr. Noose suggested. I have dyslexia, so anything to do with reading is problematic. Talking with the driver helped me more than Dad's spanking. Suddenly it seemed to make more sense why my behavior wasn't good. I felt nearly normal again. Mr. Noose invited me to the old carriage house on our grounds, his home as long as he was working for us.
We played a few rounds of car racing. To my amazement I won. Mr. Noose offered me hot chocolate. I wanted marshmallows on top. To my disappointment he hadn't any. "I'll make you something special. I promise." He returned about twenty minutes later. I had been playing on the games console, so I hadn't noticed how much time had passed. Normally our housekeeper Florence was making Nesquik. The hot chocolate Mr. Noose had made was very different. It was slightly spicy and cinnamon flavored. He served some type of bread with cheese. It was heart shaped. All the crying and emotional upheaval had made me hungry and thirsty, so I tucked in. It was really delicious. Even if Mr. Noose was calm and relaxed, he seemed to hang after his own thoughts. They mightn't have been positive. I had been thinking as well and was curious how Mr. Noose knew my Dad loved me. He said: "I've watched you, when you were together. Your dad likes to spend time with you, plays games and is open to your suggestions. He's also watching out for you." It reassured me. Suddenly I was very tired. Mr. Noose drove me home. I snuggled closer to him, wishing he could be my Daddy. I was nearly asleep when we arrived at the main house. I said good night to the driver and Mrs. Florence brought me to bed.
The next morning the day looked brighter for me. The color of my butt had returned to its normal pale shade and didn't hurt anymore. I was still smarting emotionally, though. It wasn't so easy for me to forgive Dad and even if Mr. Noose had re-assured me I felt small and doubts began to settle in again, if my Dad really cared for me.
It was a day or two later, when Dad approached me on my room. I was playing with my Transformers, when he entered. "Javier, can I talk to you please?" I didn't want to, so I shook my head. Dad took a seat on the floor. He picked up one of the figures. "Want to play with me?" Normally I had fun with Dad. He was really good at imitating the voices of the characters, and he was creative too. Since I was still upset, I refused outright. "Okay." Dad looked hurt. "Javier, can I ask you something?" I shrugged. "Do you think I love Wylie, Johnny and Adrien more than you?" I didn't want to answer and pretended not to have heard anything. "Why would you think that?" I shrugged again. "Javier, please look me in the eyes." Dad's voice was gentle. I slowly looked up, showing all my hurt. "Are you going to give me an answer?" I told him why I thought Dad appreciated me less than the others. Wylie was without a doubt the most intelligent of the bunch. He was a straight A student, no matter which subject. Johnny had an unbelievable knack for music. He wanted to be either a musician or music historian. My younger sister Adrien looked very cute with her black curls and blue eyes. She also said the funniest things, so everyone liked her. I felt with my learning disability I wasn't bright enough to keep up with my oldest brother and with no other visible talents or cuteness I fell short of my father's expectations. "Javier, I love you as much as I do any of your siblings. The reason I love and care for you is your positive energy and your inquisitiveness. Maybe I have shown it too few, but this is going to change. I'd like to spend more time with you. Is that okay with you?" I was torn, because I was still a bit upset about the spanking, but I loved my dad and would have liked more of his attention. I nodded apprehensive. "Glad to hear it." My father smiled. "There is another thing I'd like to speak with you. It mightn't be easy for both of us..." Dad stopped for a moment. "I've spanked Wylie and Johnny until they were ten and originally thought I would continue to do the same with you. Something tells me, though, that it might not work. Am I wrong?" I tried to explain how I felt. I also said I couldn't understand how Dad could claim he loved me when he had hurt me just moments before. "Hm, that's a good question." My dad paused before giving an answer. "It might sound odd, but I did it, because I love you. I thought a painful reminder works better than discussions. Having now heard how it impacts you and your feelings towards me, I think we have to change tack. I don't want that you resent me." "Okay." I wasn't sure where this was going to lead to. "We will try speaking about what you have done wrong in the first place. If I deem it necessary you will get a punishment, like being grounded or having a privilege taken away. Is that okay with you?" "Yes." I nodded fervently. I preferred discussing what went wrong and maybe get a privilege taken away than being spanked, which left me feel unloved and not worthy of belonging to the Loesing clan.
Dad kept to his promise and spent more time with me. Our communication improved as well, and mostly Dad had only to threaten me with taking away something or to ground me. It was more than enough to bring me in line. Since we talked more I understood also better why and how to behave. It made me be much closer to Dad and we still have a very good and trusting relationship.
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