Beverly Noose stared in disbelief at her gynecologist. He had confirmed her worst fears. She was pregnant for the third time.
Her oldest son was fourteen months old, her youngest three months. It would mean by the time the baby was due Coldham Fintan would be twenty two months and Holiday Michael, called Mike, eleven months.
Besides her husband Coldham Fintan II and she had agreed on having only two children. Beverly went home numb, not knowing exactly what to do.
The third pregnancy reminded Beverly very much of when she was expecting Coldham Fintan, whom they had nicknamed Fin.
Fin had been planned. Coldham and Beverly were delighted when they found out she was pregnant. It had been obvious even without a test. Beverly had very bad morning sickness and managed hardly to keep anything down. Because she was dehydrated she spent a few days in hospital. When Beverly had passed the first trimester it was better. The happy feeling lasted only nine weeks. She suddenly developed pre term labor and had to go on strict bed rest, meaning, she wasn't allowed out of bed - the only exceptions were to go to toilet as needed or to take a shower once a day. Beverly, who liked to be active, hated every moment of it. She resented the baby. Beverly had dreamed about a perfect pregnancy and the perfect child. The pregnancy was a nightmare. Finally when the 37th week approached the bed rest was lifted. The doctors deemed it safe for the baby to be delivered. The contractions didn't return. By now Beverly was fed up. She was huge and felt like a rhinoceros. Her obstetrician told her to wait until the due date. Beverly tried to bargain to no avail.
Coldham had had imagined Beverly's pregnancy and becoming a father differently too. He wanted a wife with whom he could share his life, but with Beverly on bed rest, going out was impossible. Coldham grumbled, when they had to invest their hard earned money in a house keeper. Coldham didn't know how to do chores and didn't think about learning any of it, because it was unmanly. He only knew how to repair things and mowed the lawn, but the rest was Beverly's responsibility.
Beverly was overly glad when labor started. Fin was born ten painful hours later at 06.00 a.m. on his due date. He already had a blond fuzz and weighed 7 lbs 3 oz. There was no overwhelming love immediately flooding through Beverly as she had expected. Instead she was just happy everything was over and indifferent about the little bundle in her arms.
Fin proved to be a difficult child. He was clingy and slept only through the night when he was six months old. Neither Beverly nor Coldham had ever thought having a kid was such a live changing event and someone so small could be so demanding. Coldham and Beverly didn't bond with their eldest.
Even if the first pregnancy had been difficult they tried for a second child soon afterwards. When Beverly was expecting Mike everything was different. It was plain sailing. Mike was born two weeks too early, though. He was healthy and weighed 7 lbs 4 oz. He was the perfect infant, self content, smiling a lot and sleeping through when he was six weeks old. While Fin looked like his father, Mike was more looking like his mother.
The third pregnancy hadn't been planned. Beverly's doctor had told her if she was breast feeding the risk of getting pregnant was not very high. He proofed wrong. Beverly told Coldham when the boys were asleep. Coldham was shocked and dismayed. "Have an abortion." was his cold reply. Another kid was going to strain their finances, and Coldham didn't want more as he had made clear to Beverly from the beginning. It wasn't so clear cut for Beverly. She was struggling. Beverly thought about the growing life inside her, and it was nearly impossible for her to think about having the baby aborted. She hoped it might be a little girl. Beverly had dreamed of having a son and a daughter. Beverly also knew she was now barely managing with Mike and Fin. How would she cope with three children under the age of two? Beverly considered going full term and give the kid up for adoption. Being very conscious of her reputation, though, she dismissed it. She didn't want to cause gossip. Maybe if Beverly gave birth Coldham would accept it... Beverly spent a few sleepless nights before she came to a conclusion.
As hard as it was Beverly decided to go through with the abortion.
The operation itself was short and relatively painless. The emotional distress was much greater. Beverly fell into a dark, black whole for many months. Coldham was understanding and tried to support her. Slowly Beverly returned to her normal self.
Even years later, though, Beverly wished she would have been able to keep the child. She mused what her life would have been like with it and also fantasized about a daughter. For some reason Beverly was convinced the aborted fetus was a girl, even though the abortion had been performed when she was ten weeks pregnant and the sex couldn't be determined, because the sexual organs only develop after the first trimester.
When Fin drove her mad or caused Beverly grief she fervently wished she had never had him or could exchange him with the baby that never was, believing it would have been a perfect addition to the family like Mike was.
Beverly came to the conclusion, if she had fallen pregnant a few years later Coldham and she would have made a different decision.
Beverly regretted her decision and would have changed it if she would have been able to turn back time.
Her oldest son was fourteen months old, her youngest three months. It would mean by the time the baby was due Coldham Fintan would be twenty two months and Holiday Michael, called Mike, eleven months.
Besides her husband Coldham Fintan II and she had agreed on having only two children. Beverly went home numb, not knowing exactly what to do.
The third pregnancy reminded Beverly very much of when she was expecting Coldham Fintan, whom they had nicknamed Fin.
Fin had been planned. Coldham and Beverly were delighted when they found out she was pregnant. It had been obvious even without a test. Beverly had very bad morning sickness and managed hardly to keep anything down. Because she was dehydrated she spent a few days in hospital. When Beverly had passed the first trimester it was better. The happy feeling lasted only nine weeks. She suddenly developed pre term labor and had to go on strict bed rest, meaning, she wasn't allowed out of bed - the only exceptions were to go to toilet as needed or to take a shower once a day. Beverly, who liked to be active, hated every moment of it. She resented the baby. Beverly had dreamed about a perfect pregnancy and the perfect child. The pregnancy was a nightmare. Finally when the 37th week approached the bed rest was lifted. The doctors deemed it safe for the baby to be delivered. The contractions didn't return. By now Beverly was fed up. She was huge and felt like a rhinoceros. Her obstetrician told her to wait until the due date. Beverly tried to bargain to no avail.
Coldham had had imagined Beverly's pregnancy and becoming a father differently too. He wanted a wife with whom he could share his life, but with Beverly on bed rest, going out was impossible. Coldham grumbled, when they had to invest their hard earned money in a house keeper. Coldham didn't know how to do chores and didn't think about learning any of it, because it was unmanly. He only knew how to repair things and mowed the lawn, but the rest was Beverly's responsibility.
Beverly was overly glad when labor started. Fin was born ten painful hours later at 06.00 a.m. on his due date. He already had a blond fuzz and weighed 7 lbs 3 oz. There was no overwhelming love immediately flooding through Beverly as she had expected. Instead she was just happy everything was over and indifferent about the little bundle in her arms.
Fin proved to be a difficult child. He was clingy and slept only through the night when he was six months old. Neither Beverly nor Coldham had ever thought having a kid was such a live changing event and someone so small could be so demanding. Coldham and Beverly didn't bond with their eldest.
Even if the first pregnancy had been difficult they tried for a second child soon afterwards. When Beverly was expecting Mike everything was different. It was plain sailing. Mike was born two weeks too early, though. He was healthy and weighed 7 lbs 4 oz. He was the perfect infant, self content, smiling a lot and sleeping through when he was six weeks old. While Fin looked like his father, Mike was more looking like his mother.
The third pregnancy hadn't been planned. Beverly's doctor had told her if she was breast feeding the risk of getting pregnant was not very high. He proofed wrong. Beverly told Coldham when the boys were asleep. Coldham was shocked and dismayed. "Have an abortion." was his cold reply. Another kid was going to strain their finances, and Coldham didn't want more as he had made clear to Beverly from the beginning. It wasn't so clear cut for Beverly. She was struggling. Beverly thought about the growing life inside her, and it was nearly impossible for her to think about having the baby aborted. She hoped it might be a little girl. Beverly had dreamed of having a son and a daughter. Beverly also knew she was now barely managing with Mike and Fin. How would she cope with three children under the age of two? Beverly considered going full term and give the kid up for adoption. Being very conscious of her reputation, though, she dismissed it. She didn't want to cause gossip. Maybe if Beverly gave birth Coldham would accept it... Beverly spent a few sleepless nights before she came to a conclusion.
As hard as it was Beverly decided to go through with the abortion.
The operation itself was short and relatively painless. The emotional distress was much greater. Beverly fell into a dark, black whole for many months. Coldham was understanding and tried to support her. Slowly Beverly returned to her normal self.
Even years later, though, Beverly wished she would have been able to keep the child. She mused what her life would have been like with it and also fantasized about a daughter. For some reason Beverly was convinced the aborted fetus was a girl, even though the abortion had been performed when she was ten weeks pregnant and the sex couldn't be determined, because the sexual organs only develop after the first trimester.
When Fin drove her mad or caused Beverly grief she fervently wished she had never had him or could exchange him with the baby that never was, believing it would have been a perfect addition to the family like Mike was.
Beverly came to the conclusion, if she had fallen pregnant a few years later Coldham and she would have made a different decision.
Beverly regretted her decision and would have changed it if she would have been able to turn back time.
©2013
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