Aftermath

My better half told me "Worse Timing" wasn't finished and he wanted to know more, so I promised to write a follow up.


Coldham Fintan Noose II didn't recognize his wife Beverly anymore. Her dark brown hair and blue eyes were lifeless. She was withdrawn and barely talked. Had Coldham known how hard Beverly was taking the abortion, he wouldn't have suggested it so non chalant. He was sure they would have coped somehow with a third child, even if it would have been only twenty two months younger than their oldest son. Coldham felt guilty. He still didn't care about the child. Two kids were more than enough. Coldham wanted to see his wife happy. Having left her without a real choice, he had caused the problems facing them. Coldham didn't know how to solve the issue.

Beverly felt like she had dropped into a big black hole and didn't know how to escape it. She didn't want to talk about it with Coldham, because she thought he wouldn't understand her. Everyday life was very hard. Getting up was tough - near to impossible. Even taking care of Mike, her youngest son, which she had previously loved to do, seemed too much. Beverly neglected the household chores and Fin, her eldest son. Coldham tried to at least give Fin some attention. Fin saw his father as an unsuitable replacement for his mother and tried to cling to her. He was rebuffed. It hurt and to get at least noticed by Beverly he was into a lot of mischief or cried a lot. His parents felt overwhelmed by Fin being so difficult. Mike, who was only eight months old, picked up the tensions and also cried very fast.

The situation became so unbearable that Coldham asked his mother in law Zelda, if she could come for a while and look after Fin and the household. She was a house wife, while her husband Solomon was a miner. They lived in Maryland. Zelda agreed. It had been hard for Coldham to ask for help. First he was very proud and didn't like to show any weakness, second he couldn't stand Zelda.

Zelda kept the household in top condition and spent a lot of time with nineteen months old Fin, reading fairy tales and other picture books to him, spoiling him with apple strudel and other sweet bakery goodies and teaching him a few German words.

She was worried about her daughter, but since nobody told her the reason of Beverly's depression, she assumed it was down to baby blues. Zelda had been weepy for a couple of weeks after Beverly's birth and could feel for her daughter. Unfortunately Zelda couldn't stay unlimited and had to return home. Beverly's depression hadn't improved. Very unhappy Coldham asked his own mother Lil to take over the household. He was at the end of his tethers and didn't know what to do anymore.
Lil engaged Beverly and tried to get her talking.


It was 09.09.1979 - the day the baby would have been due. Coldham had conveniently taken off for the weekend with friends, going on a fishing trip. He couldn't face the gloomy atmosphere and thought Beverly would be very upset. His wife had kept too much bottled up. She felt guilty, sad and hated her husband. She held him partly responsible for the abortion and thought he didn't care about her or what she was going through. Beverly had been staying in bed for most of the day and didn't want to be disturbed. Every noise, no matter if it was clattering in the kitchen, the flush of the toilet, Mike's screams or Fin's laughter, was unbearable and too loud. Beverly pulled Coldham's pillow over her ears, so she didn't have to hear.

Coldham didn't expect Beverly's outburst when he returned. It was late at night and he thought everyone was sleeping. Instead Coldham found Beverly in the kitchen, making tea. When Coldham's wife turned around to face him, he took an involuntary step back, when he saw her look. It was full of anger and hatred. Coldham was glad looks couldn't kill. "You bastard!" Beverly shouted at him, her face contorting with rage. She grabbed the next best thing within her reach. It was her mug. Thank goodness it was unfilled yet and Coldham managed to dodge it. The mug exploded into many splitters when it crashed against the wall. "Do you know what day today is? I bet you have no clue!" Coldham's eyes filled with tears - not because of the baby - because he hated to see his wife suffer. "Of course I know what day today is! You should be by now the size of a whale and on the way to give birth." Beverly was hurt by Coldham's comparison with a whale. She knew he didn't find her especially attractive, when she was pregnant. Indignant she pulled open one of the drawers and chose a spatula. Beverly was furious, shrieked like a banshee and attacked Coldham with the spatula, not caring where it landed or if it was painful. They struggled for a moment. It didn't take Coldham long to overwhelm Beverly and force her to drop the kitchen utensil. He pressed her hard against him. Coldham's mouths was just inches away from Beverly's mouth. He bent over and kissed her. At first Beverly fought hard against the kiss and the restrain, but soon gave up and replied in kind. Beverly and Coldham were tearing at their clothing and had rough sex on the floor. Afterwards they went up to their bedroom and fell asleep.
The next morning Beverly felt much better and saw for the first time for months light at the end of the tunnel. Beverly studied her husband. He was asleep and looked very young. He was only twenty six after all and one and a half months younger than herself. Beverly didn't know how long she watched over Coldham. He began to stir. Without pre-amble she said: "We have to talk." Coldham agreed. They spoke about their guilt and pain. The couple also agreed they didn't want more children, so they made sure they used always a form of contraception.
Having cleared the air built the stepping stone of Beverly's recovery and healing process for both. The crisis had made them stronger. They learned from it and were much more open with each other. A year after the abortion there were no signs of distrust or that Coldham's and Beverly's relationship had been on the rocks.


© 2014

Worse Timing

Beverly Noose stared in disbelief at her gynecologist. He had confirmed her worst fears. She was pregnant for the third time.
Her oldest son was fourteen months old, her youngest three months.  It would mean by the time the baby was due Coldham Fintan would be twenty two months and Holiday Michael, called Mike, eleven months.
Besides her husband Coldham Fintan II and she had agreed on having only two children. Beverly went home numb, not knowing exactly what to do.

The third pregnancy reminded Beverly very much of when she was expecting Coldham Fintan, whom they had nicknamed Fin.

Fin had been planned. Coldham and Beverly were delighted when they found out she was pregnant. It had been obvious even without a test. Beverly had very bad morning sickness and managed hardly to keep anything down. Because she was dehydrated she spent a few days in hospital. When Beverly had passed the first trimester it was better. The happy feeling lasted only nine weeks. She suddenly developed pre term labor and had to go on strict bed rest, meaning, she wasn't allowed out of bed -  the only exceptions were to go to toilet as needed or to take a shower once a day. Beverly, who liked to be active, hated every moment of it. She resented the baby. Beverly had dreamed about a perfect pregnancy and the perfect child. The pregnancy was a nightmare. Finally when the 37th week approached the bed rest was lifted. The doctors deemed it safe for the baby to be delivered. The contractions didn't return. By now Beverly was fed up. She was huge and felt like a rhinoceros. Her obstetrician told her to wait until the due date. Beverly tried to bargain to no avail.

Coldham had had imagined Beverly's pregnancy and becoming a father differently too. He wanted a wife with whom he could share his life, but with Beverly on bed rest, going out was impossible. Coldham grumbled, when they had to invest their hard earned money in a house keeper. Coldham didn't know how to do chores and didn't think about learning any of it, because it was unmanly. He only knew how to repair things and mowed the lawn, but the rest was Beverly's responsibility.

Beverly was overly glad when labor started. Fin was born ten painful hours later at 06.00 a.m. on his due date. He already had a blond fuzz and weighed 7 lbs 3 oz. There was no overwhelming love immediately flooding through Beverly as she had expected. Instead she was just happy everything was over and indifferent about the little bundle in her arms.

Fin proved to be a difficult child. He was clingy and slept only through the night when he was six months old. Neither Beverly nor Coldham had ever thought having a kid was such a live changing event and someone so small could be so demanding. Coldham and Beverly didn't bond with their eldest.

Even if the first pregnancy had been difficult they tried for a second child soon afterwards. When Beverly was expecting Mike everything was different. It was plain sailing. Mike was born two weeks too early, though. He was healthy and weighed 7 lbs 4 oz. He was the perfect infant, self content, smiling a lot and sleeping through when he was six weeks old. While Fin looked like his father, Mike was more looking like his mother.

The third pregnancy hadn't been planned. Beverly's doctor had told her if she was breast feeding the risk of getting pregnant was not very high. He proofed wrong. Beverly told Coldham when the boys were asleep. Coldham was shocked and dismayed. "Have an abortion." was his cold reply. Another kid was going to strain their finances, and Coldham didn't want more as he had made clear to Beverly from the beginning. It wasn't so clear cut for Beverly. She was struggling. Beverly thought about the growing life inside her, and it was nearly impossible for her to think about having the baby aborted. She hoped it might be a little girl. Beverly had dreamed of having a son and a daughter. Beverly also knew she was now barely managing with Mike and Fin. How would she cope with three children under the age of two? Beverly considered going full term and give the kid up for adoption. Being very conscious of her reputation, though, she dismissed it.  She didn't want to cause gossip. Maybe if Beverly gave birth Coldham would accept it... Beverly spent a few sleepless nights before she came to a conclusion.

As hard as it was Beverly decided to go through with the abortion.

The operation itself was short and relatively painless. The emotional distress was much greater. Beverly fell into a dark, black whole for many months. Coldham was understanding and tried to support her. Slowly Beverly returned to her normal self.

Even years later, though, Beverly wished she would have been able to keep the child. She mused what her life would have been like with it and also fantasized about a daughter. For some reason Beverly was convinced the aborted fetus was a girl, even though the abortion had been performed when she was ten weeks pregnant and the sex couldn't be determined, because the sexual organs only develop after the first trimester.

When Fin drove her mad or caused Beverly grief she fervently wished she had never had him or could exchange him with the baby that never was, believing it would have been a perfect addition to the family like Mike was.
Beverly came to the conclusion, if she had fallen pregnant a few years later Coldham and she would have made a different decision.


Beverly regretted her decision and would have changed it if she would have been able to turn back time.

©2013